30th Week pregnant

I am spending my remainder pregnancy weeks nowadays doing as much as I can with my 3 year old and hubby...before the arrival of the second one. We are trying to go places that we've always wanted to go with Tobey (the beach this weekend, hopefully) and do leisure things like sleeping late, sleeping-in and just laze around doing nothing. With a newborn, means alot of home stay, sleepless nights and DVDs if I am lucky enough to have the time.

In September, Tobey will also be starting Pre-School 3 hours a day for 5 days a week. When I told him that mummy can't go to 'school with him', he asked me "where will mummy be?"..."In the car at the car park in front of your school waiting for you, of course!". He's happy with that, although deep down he knows I'll be snoozing at home....hahaha. I will miss him though. We'll be paying for him to have lunch at school too. Saves me from cooking for him when I am busy with the baby, plus he can learn to eat together with other kids and hopefully pick-up all the good table manners on the way...hehe.

Changes, changes, changes..bring it on!

Baby Number Two

First scan at Hinchingbrooke Hospital Treatment Centre

Yup I am 3 1/2 months pregnant with Tobey's bro/sis :)

Although I have been through all these before, for me, this baby is entirely different from Tobey. It's a new life altogether. Today we went for the first scan. I was moved beyond words when I saw my little baby inside of me. After making sure that he/she has got 2 arms and 2 legs, the next thing I noticed was how sharp his/her nose is. Tobey had my button nose in his first scan pictures (he still has the cutest button nose). I guess this baby has SK's nose.

The first month of pregnancy was smooth sailing. I was telling my friends how I might have escaped from suffering any morning sickness this time around. With Tobey I had a few weeks of morning (2 hours each day max) nausea. I remember vividly munching on vinegar and salt rice cakes on the way to work. I spoke too soon obviously. Month 2 and 3 was torturous. Most days, I suffered from mild nausea ALL DAY LONG.I couldn't even vomit to relief it. I couldn't eat well, but if I was hungry, the nausea got worse. So I had to force food into my system for my sake and the baby's health. The sight and smell of certain food can really set me off. First it was chicken -on-bone (same case when I was carrying Tobey), then it was pork, then fish, then cheese...etc. At one point, I could only tolerate toasted bread with tomato sauce! Cooking for Tobey and SK was like an out-of-body experience. I did it without passion and just like a robot. MSG in outside food didn't agree with me as well. I suddenly found the smell of anchovies repulsive! I love food and my love for eating is common knowledge to everyone I know. So having such a 'touch-and-go' relationship with food genuinely saddened me. I couldn't even stand my usual favourite laundry detergent of Lavender and Camomile. I got tired easily and slept alot more. Long story short, I was at one of my lowest point in my life. The only thing that can relieve my morning sickness was a walk in the fresh open air. Unfortunately during those months, UK was suffering the coldest winter in 30 years. So a slow walk in the park was out of the equation. It was more like sticking my head out an open window for several minutes a time.

AAAAAnyways, every cloud has a silver lining...Spring came 2 weeks ago, a months late, but it came at the tail end of my morning sickness period. Most of my nausea went away along with the cold. I started vegetable gardening, took Tobey out for walks in parks, cycling and to the playgrounds, hanging my laundry on the washing line, visiting friends for lunch dates and sometimes just ate lunch in the back garden. Simple pleasures that 5 months a year of winter robbed from us. I hate winter. I really do. Snow no longer hold that magical feel to it and has no more 'wow factor' for me anymore. Snow is more like a massive inconvenience to our lives here, which centres alot on being outdoors. I lost count of the number of times my car skidded on frozen roads. When the sun came back, my appetite and energy returned too. I cooked up a storm. Portugese Curry Devil, Mango Rojak , Hokkien Mee, Wonton Mee, Prawn mee...it was such a relief.

I can't wait to hold this baby in my arms in September. I pray daily that this baby will be healthy and well-formed. We discussed for centuries before decided to have another child. Especially when it's just the both of us caring for both children in this foreign land. No maid, no relatives, no easily available yummy food (plus in a huge variety) to turn too when we don't feel like cooking for a week, no cheap childcare, the list goes on. All we hope is for he/she and Tobey will look out for one another in life and can be pillars of support and strength to each other. Especially when we are not around anymore (we'll be travelling the world! Woo Hoo!).

Two is our magic number.

Where has Spring gone?

It's been the longest winter ever in my 8 years here. When we thought we heard Spring at the doorstep, the snow will swiftly come and greet us (how I wish I am in the Malaysia, under the scorching CNY sun). Like this morning, it was frosty and white again outside. Fortunately, the sun came out and melted off the ice on my car (It was about 2-3 celcius) Yay! no need to scrape windscreen. Tobey and I went for our usual Friday town outings. It's usually when I stock up on groceries from the Chinese supermarket, toiletries/vitamins/nappies from Boots and do a bit of window shopping. It's the best time, as that is when every store is stocked up for the weekend. So you get your hands on the weekend offers and abundance of stock /options without the weekend crowd.

It's also the day where we try to lunch at new places. I heard of this noodle bar from a friend, but I could never find it in the Cambridge town street maze, until today. It's Yippee Noodle Bar.

Tobey was trying to dig into the noodles with his chopsticks (from the right side)

We shared a bowl of Beef HoFun noodle soup. Abit like Vietnamese Beef Pho, with tastier and thicker soup. We also had some Tempura prawns. Both were really good. SK wants to try it for himself tomorrow. I hope I can find the restaurant again ;P

Fortnight of Fun and Food

It was a good holiday. Malaysia is still as vibrant, except for higher food prices, more elevated highways, increase in the number of sky scrappers and trendy restaurants/cafes/hang-out areas.

At Pavilion KL

We met up with many relatives from KL and Penang. Attended two weddings. Met up with friends. Went to pasar malams, mamak stall (day and night), took the LRT to get to Petaling Street, visited the shopping centres and restaurants. We left Tobey with the in-laws some of the times. So SK and I actually had alot of fun kidding around and trying to act like a non-married couple on dates. Managed to get myself a chinese watercolour scroll for my stairway too (for those who knows me, you can imagine how ecstatic I am to have finally got my hands on one that I like). Food wise, we made it a point to be very objective this time around. We tried to say NO to repeats and to 2nd best. That's how we managed to eat everything on the list. From durian to crab, mee goreng to fruit rojak, from Shanghainese noodle to Japanese buffet.

Say hi to "Poon Choi" at Jeff Lee, Sungai Buloh market square

Back to Tobey

The down:

Whenever he's not in an air-conditioned room, he sweat-ed. Mozzies seems to prefer his firm flesh to our flabs. A week into the trip, he had a temperature for 2 days. Hovered around 38-39 c. Normally back in UK, I would just treat it with over the shelves children medicine. But I was worried about Dengue and such, being in Malaysia. The first children clinic we visited was rubbish. The woman doctor was such an irritant. Spoke to us with a condescending tone and as if we were irresponsible teenage parents. Then she went on to prescribed antibiotics for a viral throat infection.Classic. The antibiotic was too strong and caused his tummy to be gassy. We then brought him to Megah Specialist Medical Centre. Met a fantastic pediatrician, Dr. Lam. He told us his throat infection was so mild, it need not to be treated in the first place. The wind medication he prescribed eradicated the air in his tummy straight away. By day 3, Tobey is back to his usual self.

The ups:

FIL put him on the front seat of his bike and rode around the neighbourhood. He was even allowed to handle the acceleration(the throttle) at times. Oh boy, the boy was over the moon and couldn't stop talking about it. About how he went on the "up-downs" (road bumps) and how the bike sounded like.

Tobey on daddy's new bike

He helped in picking the young coconuts from the tree in front of the house

This is his current trademark smile for the camera

and walked to pasar tani/malam. During the walk to pasar malam, he used a torchlight to shine everything along the way, the drain, the pavement, etc. Of course there were the trips to the malls.

Natural smile :)

SK spoilt him rotten with coin-operated rides and toys. Whenever we are out on our own, we ended up always thinking of the boy and buying him gifts. We noticed that decent toys cost much more in m'sia compared to the UK.Something that we bought for £40 is priced at almost RM400. I wonder how on earth a person working in Malaysia (those on average income) be able to afford them! No wonder toys of "lesser quality" (flimsy) has a market there). It's really unfair to say the least. Having said that, from what we observed in shopping malls and restaurants, many MANY Malaysian must be earning waaaaaaay above average.
He loves looking at puppies through the windows and shouting "down Chili down!" ,"puppy mum-mum!", etc. he got to sample many Malaysian dishes for the first time too. His favourites are "Pan mee" ,"Hor Fun","Roti Telur". and "Big prawn". His first request after landing was "Yeh-yeh, Big prawn please!" hehehe.

At Canton-I, One Utama

Sagano, Renaissance Hotel

Both set of granparents really showered him with love and attention. It' so sad that he's living so far away from them.

I thank God that the flight to and from was relatively easy on us and Tobey. We felt rejuvenated and are glad to be back home.

Master Tobey

He arrived on the night of the 10th June 2007 and changed our lives.

The Drama

Went in for induction on the 9th June at 9 pm, 10 days overdue with posterior cervix and baby head facing upward rather than downward. The plan is to bring on contractions and hope that it would fix both issues. Contraction started at 2.30am, 2 cm dilated at 4.30am and 6 cm at 8.30am. After 7 hours of labour pain, took Entonox and Epidural to block it out. 8 cm dilated at 12.30pm and baby's head faced the correct direction, water being broken artificially. Dilation went back to 6-7 cm and discovered that earlier dilation reading was partly caused by the engorgement of the sac to the cervix. Waited till 9 pm to be fully dilated, with the help of the augmentation hormone Syntocinon - a synthetic form of the hormone oxytocin and another dosage of epidural. Unfortunately, baby's head turned and faced upward again. Given the narrow passage of my pelvic, the size of the baby, the angle the baby's head was at and the long labour I had , it was deemed too dangerous and harmful to deliver the natural way. Hence, emergency C- section was scheduled. Was given the 3rd dosage of Epidural, shook uncontrollably, vomited bile and tried hard to stay awake and make them understand that I needed 5 mins alone with my husband to think things through. Of course I wasn't taken seriously after all the drugs they pumped into my system. Less than 2 hours later, I heard Tobey's first cry. I remember thinking that I was going to pass on if I fall asleep then and would not be able to hold my son, so I fought with whatever energy left in me to stay awake right until I have him safely by my side in the high dependency ward.


The Aftermath

Mixture of happiness, sadness, helplessness and most of all tiredness. Still coping one day at a time. Slowly but surely, we are getting use to this new 'normal' and finding more and more bittersweet joy out of this thing call parenting.

The Waiting Game

..the first game my baby is trying to play with his mummy. I am 38 weeks and 6 days today, yet no sign of baby wanting to make an appearance. True, there's still 8 days more, but he is measured a week older by the sonographer at the 12 weeks scan (can't help but to repeat this again and again..just to give myself some hope at least).

Yesterday, whilst examining my belly, my midwife even said to this little boy " Time to think about coming out, little man!". It doesn't really help to know that my close preggy friend actually delivered at 38 weeks, plus many preggy blogs that I encountered also have the mummy popped at 38 weeks. So 'naturally', I was hoping that mine will be the same as well.

Other than having difficulty sleeping (it hurts as he tends to curl up to the upper region of the uterus when he's asleep, or when my bladder is full. I always felt like my lungs and ribs are being bashed up from within. Hence has to wake up every 2 hours to empty my bladder), I just get on as normal. Sometimes, I got so complacent I found myself even forgetting about the enormous life changing event that's gonna happen in a couple of days time. Well, it's hard and emotionally tiring to stay at the edge of my seat 24/7 when this baby is so contented to stay inside.

Urgh...enough of complaining. I need to go cook lunch for MIL and myself. And I am proud to record here that at this stage I still cook 2 meals a day, clean the house and can walk the mall for 6 hours :)

I hope to deliver good news in the next post...not such whiny ones.

Tobey

Dear Tobey,

Mummy and daddy loves you lots. Mummy is so so sorry if I've not been a very happy mummy to you lately. The 'occasional' screaming that you heard nowadays were not meant towards you, not at all. It's just that sometimes it gets abit overwhelming being pregnant for so long. Plus I want to hold you so badly. It really worries me to think that you are slowly running out of space in my womb. Must be so cramp for you in there. I am sorry, but just a little bit longer ok...and I promise you'll never live in tight spaces again.

Mummy looked at your 3d scan pictures again just now and I got a bit teary. They remind me of how lucky I am to have you. You are just too precious my son. Daddy didn't want to look at them again, not because he doesn't care, but I guess he didn't want to cry man tears..hahaha!(it's ok for man to cry by the way, regardless of what your daddy says about crying) You really should get to know him (if you think you do already, there's always more) , he's really a character. I think you'll enjoy his company a lot.

You are 34 weeks and 3 days old now (gestational age - remind me to explain this term to you when you read this) and hopefully growing well. Your movements now are more distinct. I think I know how to tell the position you're in at any one time. How I wish you can tell me what nutrient you are lacking so that I can work towards eating more food which are rich in that nutrient. All I want is for you to be a healthy & happy boy :) . It's very important to be happy. Ask daddy to explain that to you, he's good at things like that.

Grandma (your daddy's mummy) will arrive from Malaysia in a fortnight to stay for a couple of months. She is here to look after us when you first arrive into this world. You must remember to thank her for looking after you, ok.

By the time you can read this letter, mummy must already be old already hahaha! (Hope you like reading, and yes, the internet is a good place to store something for years). Anyways, you must always remember to take good care of yourself.

See you soon!

Love,
mum

Still pregnant...

...exactly 33 weeks and 2 days......this is getting tiring to say the least. I feel imprisoned in my own body, infact it's not my body anymore, it's just a vessel, a baby carrier, a place to grow and mature this precious baby of mine...tick-tock, tick-tock.....time is passing me by TOO slowly!

He's growing really BIG...uterine stretching on my upper right side, below the ribs is not ticklish at all. If I were to sleep in the wrong position, the pain resembles the agony of tearing skin. My midwife said given the position my baby is lying (bum under the ribcage), it's very NORMAL..furthermore, this baby is relatively bigger compared to my body frame.

Oh, I also realised that I am not as 'able' as I use to be, in terms of energy level and speed of carrying out tasks. I do try to walk as a form of exercise, but every half hour, I'll have to stop and rest. No more walking the mall for hours without even a wee break. Now, I have to be in close proximity to the loo. Doesn't matter that each time I go, I'll only eliminate like 10 ml, but if I have to go, I have to go NOW!

Thank GOD I am on leave (annual then maternity). Although it's boring when you can't do much, at least I can sleep the 10 hours I NEED nowadays. Plus, I can plonk myself on the bed for a lie down whenever I need to. Seriously, I do not know how many Malaysian friends and relatives that I know that could work right up to their due date...

So what can I do when I can't do much and have too much time? Now that the hospital bag is packed, all clothes are washed, the nursery is ready and all major cleaning has happened, all I can do is to read and rest and eat and suft the net and cook and WAIT...patiently I'll wait.....

All I want is just to hold this little boy in my hands as soon as possible..... for the next chapter to unfold.....

The cutest washing line

All hand-washed lovingly by yours truly with the non-bio gentle Ecover detergent...

Hubby becoming self-sufficient...

'Char Keow Teow' and Fried rice, prepared all by himself...so proud of him!!!

Healthy Breakfast

This is what I call maternal instinct...kicking in even before the little boy arrives. By the way, I baked that marble cake :P

Week 21 and counting.....

I am on week 21 of my pregnancy. Little foetus is actually not so little anymore. He is about 10 ½ inches in length. We went for our mid-pregnancy scan last week and we saw a lot! For one, he has a big head. Hopefully he’ll turn into a great thinker, or even a great philosopher like Socrates.

Little Socrates has been kicking mummy a lot lately. I got a feeling, he kicks when he is protesting against something he doesn’t like, e.g. being hungry, being out in the cold (even though he is wrapped up warmly in his amniotic sac, he still could sense the temperature change outside of mummy), or when mummy is having one of those hormonal nightmares which caused her blood pressure to soar to an uncomfortable level. Talking about dreams, I have been dreaming every single night. Dreams that were most vivid and seemed so real! The other day, I dreamt of my hubby’s ex and I could even see the colour of her eye shadow in my dream! I read that each dream actually manifest an inner fear within the pregnant woman. Got to admit, I have tonnes. The mother of all fear is of course for the health of my baby. Although the hospitals gave me and baby a clean bill of health (thank God for that) so far, I can’t help but to find something to worry about (i.e. whether I would be depriving my baby by just getting a cot which is 10 cm shorter in length and width compared to a cot bed which has no future use as a single bed for us whatsoever, as it’s more sensible to get a proper single bed, whether I am reading enough on breast feeding and all sorts). Some experienced mum said that it’s all part of my ‘nesting’ instinct. Why can’t I just resolve that by just buying and storing a tonne of disposable nappies (a close friend of mine did that) and be happy about it. No, my ‘nesting’ instincts need to come in all shapes and sizes, which caused me endless headaches.

I worry about my changing appearance a lot. Not that I am putting on a lot of weight, but I don’t feel like the most attractive woman either. It’s just a frightful feeling to know that there will be more changes to come and nothing you can do to stop it happening. It’s like God saying to me “listen lady, you want the baby, something has to give, in this case, your waistline and heels. Oh, of course, some varicose vein, stretch marks, sore boobs, cravings for food you can’t have (pineapple, sushi, banana leaf rice), ‘roller-coaster’ like emotions and sore back to complete the package”. Seriously, I have dreamt of glorious authentic Malaysian hawker fare more than once. I am now contemplating on taking my maternity leave early, and fly home to Malaysia just to eat to my heart content. This bloody country has so little to offer my pregnant taste buds. My ever-protruding baby bump is quite a load to carry around, not only I now have to stand further away from the sink whilst washing dishes, sleeping on my back (my fav position) is almost not possible, I could feel the baby moving under the constraint of space, can’t bear the guilt, hence have to sleep on my sides which is so uncomfortable. SK also made a joke that I am now walking like a penguin and that it’s a tough act to follow. Wait, wait till I assign him to empty the nappy bin daily.

Then again, I’ll have to be the responsible mummy and save the money up for little Socrates future. I can’t wait to see him. In fact, I’ll give anything to speed this pregnancy up. Even labour pain won’t stop me.

First kick!!!!! (16 weeks 6 days)

For the past week, I have been wondering and worrying on why I haven't felt the baby kick yet. I was looking for a significant one, not those 'fluttering' and 'gold-fish moving in tummy' sensations (even that did not happen for the last week).

Last night, I have been having 'rumbles' after dinner for quite some time, I put it to air. Then it happened. I felt it as I was lying down with the classical music on. It was on the left side. It felt strong, until I could feel my skin bulged out. I kept playing that track, hoping to get another kick, but it was just replaced by gentle rumbles as I dozed off. I guess baby went to sleep. Track 7 should be 'our song'.

It's Amazing! My worries immediately evaporated and I felt a new form of happiness - of a proud parent :)

15 Weeks 3 Days

HAH! This is me and baby in my new maternity dress. As you can see, I am carrying quite low...and round. Maternity clothes are my best friends nowadays, as they allow my baby bump to grow into it freely, hence making me feel VERY comfortable.

I am enjoying my second trimester more than the first. Most of my morning sickness has gone away (hopefully for good), my appetite is back with a vengeance, I find myself regaining back my energy and best of all, there's an obvious preggy tummy to show the world the reason why I have been so smug and happy all these while.

Now, all I ask for Christmas is for baby to kick for mummy! 

Precious Baby at 12 Weeks 2 Days

First picture.

We love you more each day.

The Unknown

It must be the hormones. Nowadays, I find myself in so much fear of the future. Whether I will be a good mum for 18 years to come? And at the same time be a good wife to my husband? Can I cope with the delivery? Am I as strong as I think I am? I found myself many times pondering for ages on the 'what if's and how my life would change when baby is here.

I have never been so afraid in my life.

I just pray that God will provide me enough strength to go through this. I strongly believe that everything happens in His time.

7 Weeks 1 day

Nowadays, 9 pm feels like 3 am. I am usually shattered after dinner and some TV. In the beginning, I refused to go to bed earlier, as it would have meant a shorter day and not spending enough time catching up with SK. As I struggled to only hit the sack at 11pm, I found myself grumpier and irritated as hell, both at work and at home. So, I just GAVE IN!..grrrrrrrr....suprisingly, it worked! That extra hour or two of sleep really made the difference...felt much more 'normal' and energetic.

The 'morning (afternoon, evening and night) sickness' can hit me anytime...some days, I hardly feel it, other days, I felt like ripping a student's head off. Food cravings has been an adventure. I never could tell what tomorrow 'food of the day' would be. For example, last week's main cravings were mainly mature cheddar cheese slices and Quaker salt & vinegar rice cakes, but if you serve any one of those two to me today, I would run a mile! Yesterday, I only wanted fruit juice, any fruit juice BUT apple juice...yukks! but today, it is satsumas...I ate 9 satsumas!!! and also McCoy salted potato crisp. That's why weekly shopping no longer work. But everyday, one thing I can't lay eyes on is chicken on bone...I haven't been eating chicken thigh or drumstick or any chicken for a couple of weeks. The only chicken I can bare to hold down are deep fried chicken breast coated in flavourful batter.

I have been watching many documentaries about giving birth and pregnancy, hoping to learn something I don't already know and kind of to prepare myself for the delivery. Currently, my chosen type of birth for my baby would be normal delivery and hopefully a water birth. I believe that it relieves pressure on the baby and also on the muscles of the uterus during contractions. SK wouldn't hear of it. Actually, I forced down a lesson of what would happen to my body when I go into labour. I KNOW he understood everything (although he pretended not to), which meant alot to me. But he also knows that his single most important job is to get me into the hospital in time!

Honestly, reality has finally truly sunk in, and I am finally ready to experience everything pregnancy and to embrace every changes. Be it the construction happening in my breasts or the added pounds on my hip..(hopefully not too much ;)

The baby is now the size of a raspberry. If I had a window into my womb, I'd notice the baby's eyelids forming, the tip of the baby's nose developing, and his/her distinct, slightly webbed fingers and toes.

Gestational age - 6 Weeks

I called in sick today. Was running a fever. It's been a while since I got this sick. I think my body is still trying to get use to the fact that it's housing a baby now.After lots of sleep and 1 litre of orange juice later, I am feeling much better now. The problem with me recovering fairly quickly is that people at work often not convinced that I have actually been sick since my sick period is often just 1 day! Oh what the hell, if they care to look at my sicky leave history, it has always been only a day each time.

My baby is the size of a walnut and with a heart the size of a poppy seed at 6 weeks (no wonder my belly is not showing yet!)It has got buds on it which will grow into arms and legs. Can't wait for it to grow bigger. I have been eating my Sanotagen multivitamin diligenty and have been eating full nutritiuos meals everyday. I have also ensured that I get enough rest and exercise everyday.

SK has been really sweet, he thinks that all I should do around the house is to fold clothes...hmmm...I don't think so!

Will update when my baby is the size of an apple inside me...

5 Weeks 3 days

I am going to be a MUM!